Rocking Chairs ♥

I know I say this every time, but honestly and truly know it has been forever… FAR FAR too long.. haha I have let the blogging community down and for that I am sorry. Here is my horrible attempt to make up for some lost time!!!!

Life the past few months has been crazy to say the least. We have been planning for a wedding which by the way, is 5 months from today!! I couldn’t be more excited!! I started my masters J (6 weeks into an 8 week class and I have an A which is all thanks to my wonderful fiancé), and last but certainly not least we found the most precious house there ever was. We put an offer in.  We got it and then we waited, and waited, and waited some more and we are now blessed enough to say that we are officially home owners!!! Ben and I moved in this past weekend and in 5 short months Dante will move in!! Did I say 5 short months?  I mean 5 LONG months haha!! J

 So while I hate to make excuses those are my three biggest ones for not being a better “blogger”!!

My little sister came in to help us move this weekend, and she brought such a breath of fresh air with her. We talked lots, moved, and of course ate at all our favorite restaurants. Becca used to live in Lynchburg with me for a little while, so when she gets the opportunity to come back we have to hit up all our favorite places!!!

On Saturday Dante and I had to work the football game, and while we were working Becca and Ben managed to pull a wonderful surprise! When I got home from a 6 hour shift at the football game there on the porch were 2 rocking chairs J I have been talking about rocking chairs on the porch for honestly 2 months. Dante and I said we were going to wait on them till after the wedding just because they were an extra expense that we didn’t need. So I had kind of put the idea to rest, but when I pulled into 123 Bennett on Saturday night there were 2 rocking chairs waiting for us!!!! Excited is an understatement!!!

Then we went inside and they had making dinner, and made a gluten free cake J It was like a little house warming party!!!

I called my mom and sobbed hahahaah J I know I am a sap, but man it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ben and I went out to take pictures of the chairs with the porch lights on and I just cried. Who knew a rocking chair could do that to a person. HAHAHA. I mean yes I was excited about the rocking chair, but do you ever have those moments where you just feel overwhelmingly blessed. On top of that it was like the Lord was saying, “See I told you… if you wait.. Just WAIT on me… I am going to shower you will more blessings than you can even imagine”.

I haven’t blogged in forever because I have been off. There it is, I said it hahah JI have been really off. Not myself, stressed out, overwhelmed, and just flat out worn out. I get so down on myself sometimes, and so frustrated that I don’t feel normal. I am not sure if that makes any sense. The worn out feeling is so hard for me.  It makes me feel like I can’t do things, or like I am missing out on things. I don’t know how to describe it. We have been trying new things to see if they will help my energy levels but I am not seeing much of a difference.  I just feel like I always want to sleep, and no amount of sleep is ever enough. It’s Crazy to think that this weekend even though it was chopped full of craziness and business it was so great. Yes moving into a house is busy and exciting but it was so much more than that for me. It was God slapping me around, making me realize that while yes life is hard, stressful, busy, crazy, and you are going to get tore up from the floor up.  He is still God and He knows that the end is near and he has so many blessings I just need to be patient.

Evelyn said to me a few weeks ago, and I think she has said everyday for the past 2 weeks, “Alley ouuuppp God knew before you were born what each day was going to hold, and he didn’t change it…. So suck it up”.  Hahahahah that is a direct quote.

She is right… the stress and the frustration of working through school, the unknown of the house stuff, and all sorts of other things were placed there by the Lord, and all too often I doubt, or allow the stress to get the best of me. Who am I for ever doubting that?? So the rocking chairs man.. .the Rocking chairs where big!!!!! God is so so good, and I am so thankful! J I have lots of pics that I will post of this amazing blessing called 123 Bennett!!! J So stay tuned!  J

4 days to treatment, and I am ready!!! Say prayers Friday! After treatment we are headed up to Kentucky for the little mans 1^st bday as well as some bachelorette fun on Saturday and Sunday with my sweet friend Erin!

Here is a quick pic of the rockers, and the soon to be Bucci Household!! :)

♥ So I have a secret I would like to Share ♥

I AM ENGAGED!!!!!!!

That is not the secret but it has to be said :) I am engaged to the most wonderful man and I couldn’t be more excited to spend the next 233 days (but who’s counting) planning our wedding, and 233 till we get to call him my husband. Thankfully Dante and I have lots and lots of help. I have never been good with the details, or making decisions for that matter. So when we started talking about our relationship and where it was heading I called the two women I know were capable of taking on a wedding challenge. My momma and my older sister Megan!!! They are amazing, and have been so helpful.  PS… we have only been engaged for 2 weeks :)

So here is where the secret comes in….. Are you ready….. Dante and I were the winners of WEDDING GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A WEDDING GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup… I am still in shock :)

Remember back when I was getting my lymph nodes removed, and we had the cancer scare… well…. There I was in surgery, and my mom had received and email from a resort here in Virginia called Mariners Landing. When I got out of surgery my mom asked how we felt about being nominated. She knew we had been talking lots about weddings and marriage however she didn’t want anyone to feel pressured. Our first thought was, “ummm do we need to be engaged”… well she contacted Mariners Landing, and they said no the couple doesn’t need to be engaged, however they do need to be a committed couple that were seriously talking about marriage. So my mom forwarded the email to some friends and family and they all started writing. Dante and I had about 6 nominations sent in on our behalf. We were the only couple not engaged at the giveaway, out of 30 other couples, and you guessed it we won the whole stinking thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mariners landing asked about 15 vendors to donate their services for this amazing giveaway, and those vendors reviewed all the nominations for each couple. The plan was for them to read through the nominations, and then have a vote. Once they got the votes back and narrowed down the couple they would hold a second vote to get the winners. Well guys, we were told after we won that there wasn’t any need for a second vote.  It was UNANIMOUS the first time around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you freaking out yet?!?!?! Because I have been freaking out for a few months now, and I am so excited to share this news with all of you :) If I have said it once, I wanna say it a thousand times. GOD IS SOOO GOOD… and He is so faithful. Never in a million years did we ever think that we would have a chance, and now look at us. I have wanted to shout it from the mountain tops since the giveaway, but because Dante wanted to keep the engagement a surprise he asked that we wait till after the engagement to tell the world about our wonderful gift. Talk about HUGE BLESSING!

So what do you ask is included in this amazing package! Well the photography, a gluten free menu, the cake (gluten free cake) ;), florist, decorations, wedding planner, THE DRESS!!, the venues, and much more.

I am still a little bit shocked, and it still doesn’t all feel like it is happening, but it is!!!

On 3-3-12!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!

If there was ever a testament of Gods faithfulness….

My bible study in the fall was called abundant, faithful and true. It is so cool for me to look back on the fall and winter months, and to think about all the things that the Lord was doing and then to remember this verse.

Ephesians 3:20

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

 To GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!!!!! I am so glad I get to share all this with you guys. I hope it encourages you!!! We serve such a Big God, and he is capable of more than you or I could ever imagine! Never Never forget the amazing blessings that God is capable of pouring over you!!

 We have recently started planning which has been amazing, and my disease doesn’t like stress at all, so there again you see the Lord not giving me more than I can handle. Obviously the Lord knew wedding planning was going to be too much, so what did he do he provided a wedding planner to do it for me J

 Tomorrow is treatment day, and it is such a catch 22 because I am ready, but not ready all at the same time. Hopefully it won’t keep me out of commission to long, cause I have a wedding to plan J HAHAHa!! So fun!!

 I am attaching some pics that were taken when we won the giveaway!! You will notice Dante is not in the pics… haha he was working on a paper, because we really didn’t think we were going to win.. hahah little did we know!!!! J

Love you all and have an awesome day and weekend!!!

Just announced the WINNERS :) Sobbing haha

 Sweet Jessica telling me how hard it was to keep it a secret :) She did so good.. We had NO IDEA!

 My mom reading her nomination :) Lots and Lots of tears!

Post Treatment Blog -- a.k.a Ellie uncut haha :)

Today was treatment; I don’t think I have ever blogged on a treatment day so bare with meJ.  Typically weeks 5 and 6 going into treatment are extremely rough.  I am tired, worn out, easily sad, and just not myself and I wish I could say the last two weeks weren’t like that, but sadly they were just the same as always.

The one thing that was different about the last 2 weeks was, to be honest, I was seriously dreading treatment. Wish I had a reason why, but I don’t know.  I mean I don’t like treatment, never have.  It just makes me feel so yucky, but I know about 3-5 days post treatment I feel so much better.  So, because I know that, I usually welcome treatment with open arms, but about a week ago I was just feeling horrible, and I looked and Dante and said… “is it weird that I just don’t want to go?  I don’t want to do it.  I don’t want to use my port.  I don’t want to get pumped full of meds and I don’t want to feel horrible afterward”.  Of course he understood and he quickly reminded me of how much it helps post treatment and I just need to focus on that.  The truth is, sometimes it is just hard.

On the way to treatment it has become a tradition to listen to one of my favorite Christian artist’s Kari Jobe.  She has a version of the song, Healer. It is one of my very favorite songs, and it helps me bring it all back and remember how amazing our God is and how capable he is of healing me.

I have to tell you today and the last couple of weeks for some reason I have just been longing for healing. Praying for it, hoping for it and almost pleading with the Lord for it.  I have never felt like this before. I mean yes, I have asked God to heal me, and I don’t want ulcerative colitis, but recently I have just really really wished for it.

Today’s treatment went as well as can be expected. My port was accessed on the first try, which in and of itself was such a huge praise. The Lord knew that today of all days was not a day for my port to act up. None the less I cried a lot today. My sweet nurses felt so bad, and they hadn’t even done anything for me to cry but I just cried. I was so anxious about my port not working, and about not feeling well that the tears just streamed down my face, and even with just one attempt any time you try and access my port it just hurts.

I guess the reason why I am writing about all this is just to let those of you with “stuff”, that you are not alone.  I often think about people who don’t have their hope in the Lord.  My heart breaks for those people.  I struggle with him, but at least I have him. That alone gets me through.  He is my strength, and just like Kari Jobe sings ….”He holds my every moment”, and so I trust him.  You have to, even when I don’t want to have treatment and when I beg for healing, I have to trust him.  I am resting in his promises tonight, and I trust that you know if you are struggling with something whether it is physical, or emotional, you are prayed for.  Please remember, like I have had to tell myself all day, your pain is not in vain, he holds every tear, and he knows all your fears and frustrations.  He is using it all for his good even when you just don’t get it.

I had to tell you all that tonight because I really don’t know if I have ever had feelings like I have had over the last couple of weeks and hopefully it will encourage you. God has truly poured his blessings over me the last few weeks, and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to talk with Him. Like I said, even though I want to be healed so badly, even in all the junk and the feeling bad, He shows me just how much he can use these struggles; I just have to let him.

I hope you all have a great night! Thanks for letting me share my heart!

God Bless,

Ellie 

♥ Graduation Weekend ♥

Well hello long lost blogging friends!! It has been forever since I have written, and my prayer is that you will allow graduation a big enough excuse J That’s right… did you hear me.. GRADUATION… this girl right here.. Ellie Anna Paul J Graduated!

I came to Liberty in 2004 with the expectation that I would be in and out like all the normal college students, and to be honest I don’t think I have ever been more thankful for abnormality. Liberty has been and still is such a huge part of my life. Without it I wouldn’t have found my doctors, my close knit group of friends, my job, or sweet Dante!!! A few days after graduation Dante’s grandfather, Pop Pop, called to congratulate me and he said, “Ellie, I was thinking the other day, about how thankful I am that it took you longer to graduate, because had you graduated on time, you may have never met Dante, and I would have never gotten to meet you”. Of course I started to tear up because he is so right.

You know for years I sat around, wallowing, wondering, “Ok Lord, why?”  “Why is all of this happening, why am I the last?” And to be honest on graduation, with my whole family there, more proud of me than ever, I was glad!!  I was glad that I was the last, and glad that it took me as long as it did because who knows where I would be, or who I would have met had I been the “normal” graduate.

Between Commencement and the diploma ceremony we were lucky enough to have a room where we could all just sit, and talk.  Dan asked everyone to give a favorite “Ellie moment” J  It was so funny!!! Luke reminded everyone of my Easter bunny days!! (One year for Easter I dressed up as the bunny for the Drees’ family Easter Egg Hunt… there will not be pictures to follow.. hahah)

I don’t know if I have ever had all those people together in one place at one time, but WOW did I ever feel blessed. The people there were the people who have truly gotten me through the last 7 years, without them I probably wouldn’t have finished, and so when I walked across the stage to get my diploma it wasn’t just about me fishing it was about all of us, it was about all the people who have ever encouraged, loved, supported, and prayed for me. I could never take full credit for this degree not for one second.

Graduation was one of those moments that just gives you butterflies, the whole day.  My sister got amazing pictures, and there is a picture of me looking up at my family. Of course my arms were flailing around, and the people on the field around me were looking at me like…”you am a dork”, but it was my attempt to acknowledge them, because it was not just about me. I mean I contemplated asking Jerry Jr. to allow families to accept the diplomas with the graduates because they deserve some recognition right along with us!! He is still thinking about it I guess!

I am sitting here trying to figure out how to describe the feelings, cause man it was incredible. The whole day!!!  I am so thankful, so so so thankful.   Getting my degree was one of those things that I put in the back of my head for a good 2 years.  I thought, “people will understand if I don’t finish, I mean I guess people with as many medical incompletes as I have had just can’t finish.”  I allowed myself to believe that I would be ok without it, or that I just couldn’t get it.  Man oh man was I ever wrong.  Just like the half marathon!!!  I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST.. .not just something’s… ALL THINGS!!!!!! We serve such an amazing God!! They sang one of my favorite worship songs at graduation.  It is called Lord your Holy.. and there is a part in the song that describes God, it says:

“Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous, Victorious, Conqueror, Triumphant, and Mighty, HEALER, Deliver, Shield and, Defense, STRONG TOWER, and My Best friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King, Alpha, Omega, Lord of everything, HOLY HOLY HOLY is your NAME…..” J You can image the tears that were pouring out of my eyes.

I wanted to blog a bit and share how I felt, last weekend, and tell you about how amazing my family is because I truly am so lucky, and so blessed.  Without them I couldn’t have done it, and without Ulcerative Colitis I wouldn’t value and appreciate it like I do.  God is so good about using all things for good!!!!  He has a perfect plan… I say it all the time, but it is so true.  I know so many of you have prayed, and I can’t thank you enough, and I ask that you continue to pray that God will direct me. Graduation weekend blew so much wind in my sails!!!  It encouraged me more than ever, and reiterated for me, and so many others that this disease cannot, and will not hold me back. Sure it may have taken me longer, but I look back on the last seven years and I would do it all over.

Now that graduation has come and gone I am hoping to be able to get back into the blogging swing of things!!!

I hope this blog finds you all well!!!!

Love you all,

Ellie

 

Can You Rate Your Pain?

I took a bit of a blogging break this last week because my new class started, and because while I am sooo happy to have made it through the wedding weekend the last couple weeks since have been an uphill battle for me.

                I titled this post, “Can you rate your pain?”, because I feel like I ask myself that on an hourly basis. I always find it funny when I go for a treatment or even just for a normal check up doctors ask someone like me that question. “Can you rate your pain?”… When they ask I typically sit there for a bit, and assess my body from head to toe. How is my head? How is my tummy? How are my hips?... my knee is a little achy today, but that isn’t from the UC, that is just cause I ran hard last night, hmmm anything else?? NO I think that is it……. ok SO I think I will rate my pain at 3 maybe 4.

It is at this moment that they look at you, take a few notes, and then move right along with the appointment. I guess they just expect someone with an auto immune disease to hang out at that level of pain. This to me makes sense, because for a long time I have had to learn to live at this level.  I have had to learn how to function, run, and work at this level.

I can manage the 3’s and the 4’s but anything much over that I really have a hard time with.

It is so funny because while normal people go home talking about their day, and all the events that took place, Dante and I start the drive home with a, “how was your day, how is the head, how is the stomach, how is the nausea” and I just have to laugh. Those moments, even though we don’t intend them to, make this disease hard. Like I tried to explain in my last post even though I know that the Lord is using this it is hard sometimes, and even I wish it didn’t hurt so bad psychically/emotionally. Doctors very rarely ask you what level your emotional pain is at. Now please understand I am not depressed, but there are days that I wish I didn’t have to talk about it. Days when I wish I didn’t feel like I was boring, So often I wish I could go through a day without have to even acknowledge my UC. That feeling of being worn out or having to manage headaches that hurt so bad you can even see straight. I want to be fun, upbeat, spontaneous, and this stuff makes all that difficult.  I tried to explain to my mom the other night that while I can handle it and I can take it. I handle it because I have to. If you have a chronic disease you get it. You have to choose to make it through the day, and while some days are easier than others it can sometimes be exhausting even to acknowledge or talk about the difficulties and pain an auto immune disease sends my way.

Last weekend Dante and I had probably one of the most low-key weekends we have had in a long time and it was awesome.  We had a picnic in the park.  We went to a movie and we watched a ton of basketball. It was perfect!!!! I just got so frustrated with the fact that amidst this wonderful relaxing weekend I still didn’t feel well. I didn’t feel well at all. I try too hard to put on this front, that everything is ok, and that I can do and be everything all the time.  Well Sunday night it all came to a head, and in true ulcerative colitis fashion it became more than I could handle. I know God is growing me, but it is hard sometimes to be joyful in this. I have to tell you that nausea has become my worst enemy. I don’t know what it is but for some reason these last few weeks have been tough.

It was interesting, I met a woman at the Russell and Courtney’s wedding weekend, she was amazing. She was a true blessing to my heart, she told me she was reading the blog, and that it had touched her on a deeper level because she too has struggled with physical pain. She has an autoimmune disease and a few other things going on that cause her lots of physical pain. After the wedding she asked me to consider talking a bit more about the physical pain that I feel on a daily/weekly basis, and I have to be honest in that while I mention the pain I deal with in post’s I really have tried to not focus on it. I love that she asked about that, and she even proceeded to challenge me in it.  She challenged me to be vocal, and vulnerable in my pain.  Which is not by any means easy, because I don’t want to complain, and don’t want to be negative, but I am learning through this, that pain can be a sign of strength.  My strength comes from the Lord, and therefore if I have this pain I have to praise him because I know that he is building these spiritual muscles of mine a whole lot faster than I could without the pain.

I want to be honest and real about all the things I am feeling, and experiencing because for so long I wasn’t. I wanted to walk through life pretending I didn’t have this disease, but I am learning that the more I open up and talk about what I am feeling. The more that I talk about the hurts, and explain how God is using me in my hurt and pain the better off I feel. I am not sure if that even makes sense, but I hope you understand what I mean. So I guess what I want I am trying to covey is that while I sit here with physical pain, I feel the Lord come alongside of me and help me get through today. Which in and of itself is a praise.

I always wonder how people who don’t have the Lord deal with hurt and pain. Because holy cow when I am weak HE IS STRONG. There is something about feeling so sick, and having no earthly remedy able to make the pain go away.  It makes your dependence on the Lord more significant than ever.

The other night when I was feeling so sick and to the point of tears, there are rare moments where I let the pain bring me to tears, but it was so bad that I just sat there and cried, and I looked at Dante and he looked so defeated, because I think as a guy he wants to fix it, and make it better, but there was nothing he except pray so that is what he did, he prayed to “the one who heals”, “the one who relieves pain”, “and the one who gives you peace”.  There isn’t a pain reliever out there that compares to that kind of peace.  So while yes I am still dealing with headaches, nausea and a whole slew of other physical ailments I am so thankful that I can call on the Lord, and trust him for everything that he says he is.

               

Physically life has been tough. Running hasn’t been easy, getting out of bed hasn’t been easy. Dante tells me all the time that I am strong, and I think I am starting to believe him hahaha!!! God continues to wow me with the things that he can do through me even when I feel so worn out, and insignificant. He uses us in our pain, and in our weakness. Thank God for that J

I truly hope I don’t sound depressed. Because I want you to know that like I said earlier when I am weak he is STRONG, and HE is the one getting me through today. Thank heavens I don’t have to rely on my own strength, because it isn’t even close to the amount I need to get through. God is so faithful, and I am so thankful that He heals, and that we can claim Him for that. He is my hope and he comes alongside of me in my pain and carries me through the trial!!!!

Isaiah 41:10
“so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “

I am claiming this verse today, and every day, and I am thankful for that righteous right hand!!!!!!!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!!! Dante and I are still recovering over the loss of both our bball teams in the tournament L So LETS GO VCU or BUTLER!! HAHA (My sister and brother in law will be so disappointed when they read this….the Kentucky Wildcats were supposed to lose to UNC… but they prevailed) J

Weekend Blessings!!

Friday was another treatment day, and I wish I could say a year and a half into treatments we made it through with flying colors, however, that is just not the case.  This last Friday we had to take the earliest treatment spot which meant we had to leave the house at 5:30 a.m.  Mornings have never been my thing.  Not on normal days and DEFINITLY not on treatment days.  But thanks to Dante we made it to treatment on time in hopes of getting out of the hospital ASAP.   God, however, had a little bit of a different plan.  We got to UVA at 7 and treatment ended up taking 6+ hours (the infusion part of the treatment, I am not including the pre and post stuff).  It was weird because I fell asleep, and woke up about 3 hours into it, and was like umm…. The bag still looks pretty full so I asked the nurse to take a look at it and she had set the iv to run a whole lot slower than it should have been, so by the time we got it figured out it took a few more hours to get the rest of the medicine pumping through my body.  The other down side to doing it that way was by the time she got it at the speed it should have been at the medicine went in a ton faster, and it was like immediately I felt sick. A tidal wave of nausea and headaches took over. So after a long treatment Dante and I got in the car, and drove to South Carolina, we both prayed numerous times throughout the trip for relief from pain, and also for no nausea.

I slept most of the drive, and thankfully Dante managed to get us there safely!!

We were both in a wedding on Saturday in South Carolina, and I have to tell you that I was very nervous about how my body was going to do.  I am happy to say that I made it through the day without throwing up, passing out, all while managing my headaches. TOTALLY A MIRICLE!! God blessed me with amazing people while I was there, people who cared, and were checking on me the whole time. It was a huge blessing and I am so thankful to all who prayed because it has been no secret that I was worried about how I would do after treatment and I truly couldn’t have asked my body to do any better than it did. I think I am learning now more than ever that when you are hurting, and in pain, you have to seriously pray for the Lord to take your mind out of it.  It is when I have time to sit and think about what is hurting or bothering me, that it seems the worst.  Let me tell you though, from the moment we got to South Carolina I was blessed with people to talk to me, and help keep my mind off of how I was feeling.

I truly love meeting new people. When we got to the hotel I had the privilege for meeting some pretty awesome people.  I got to meet one the groomsman’s wives, and also stay in a room with the Grooms sister. WHAT A BLESSING that all was.  It was totally a God thing because it gave Dante the opportunity to have some quality guy time, and it left me to do what I do best… Talk Talk Talk!!!! HAHAHA 

Katie, Gabrielle and I went up to our room, and we spent the night talking. It is so amazing to me to think about how God knew that I would need those girls right in that moment, one to take my mind off “treatment day” and two to share and encourage one another in our relationship with the Lord.

We sat there, and each shared our hearts, our hurts, and what God is teaching us through each different stage that we are in. It is so cool to see the different trends/issues that we all struggle with and deal with, all while dealing with different circumstances.

One topic specifically was brought up, one that has been heavy on my heart lately, the topic of being content.  I have felt bad even saying that, because I go back and forth in my mind.  Satan has been on the attack.  I know that the Lord has me right where he wants me, and his timing has proven perfect across the board.  However, I would be lying if I said I didn’t struggle, and while I wouldn’t wish this struggle on anyone, it was so encouraging to hear that these girls, who I had spent such a short amount of time with, fell comfortable enough to tell me about areas in their lives where they were having a hard time being content as well. The interesting thing (this will probably come as no shock to anyone) is that as we looked at one another, there were things in each girl that the other wished that they had, or circumstances that each of us wished we could find ourselves. We talked about places in life we wanted to be.  Places in life that if you had asked us 10 years, or even as early as a year ago, we thought we would be at and shockingly enough we are at places that we weren’t expecting to be at. The Lord had us walking different paths, and yet we have all at one point or another had feelings of discontent.

It is so cool to see Christ vividly bringing things full circle.

A couple weeks ago in bible study Priscilla Shier did an illustration of a women standing with a glass in her hand. The glass was full, and Priscilla walked up to her and started shaking her arm. She then brought it back, saying, “You see when you are being shaken. Physically, emotionally, spiritually whatever it is, but when you are shaken what’s inside of you is going to come out, whether you want it to or not.” All that pain, anger, frustration, envy, jealously, the list goes on.  When she made the illustration I was immediately convicted, and I started to play through situations where I had felt like my world was being tested, or shaken. I thought of what my original response had been in these situations. Not the response that I had rationalized in my head a few minutes or hours after the original blow, but the initial one, the one that you very rarely tell people, and usually is thought and felt, and then you talk yourself into being ok.  You glamorize your response, when in all reality, you still had the feelings, and you haven’t dealt with them at all you just gave yourself time to think of an excuse for the feelings. Why? For what? Ultimately the one who matters most knows you thought it, felt it, and you just aren’t saying it.

Ulcerative Colitis shakes you, having a rough day with this disease leaves me worn out, and on my worst days, those filthy thoughts, come out, and Satan gets his foot in the door and I start to ask why? Why has it taken me 7 years to finish my degree, Why am I the last of all my college roommates to get married? I question God, and I find myself so blinded by my discontent that I can barely see straight. Not for long but none the less I have to tell you I have been there recently.  So you need to know that getting to spend the evening with girls who knew the feelings that I was having was a gift from God.  I needed to know that I was not the only one, and I also wanted them to know that they weren’t in this alone.  We all have moments, “The Grass is ALWAYS GREENER moments”.  I found this verse when I was begging for my spiritual slap in the pants ;)

Proverbs 27:1, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”

It reminds me to put it back into perspective. God pours out his love on me and I need the Lord to give me a spiritual slap on the hand.  I need to remember that He is doing a GREAT work, and he does have a perfect plan.  I know that if I had finished undergrad on time I would have never gotten this job, and more importantly I would have never met my love!  Dante and I’s relationship has been strengthened through this school stuff.  Dante has shown me what true selflessness is through the bear of helping me complete my degree, all while supporting me and loving me through ulcerative colitis. God has it figured out, he knows what I need when I need it, and I trust him with all of it. I just need a little wakeup call from time to time.  So here is a punch I am going to throw the devils way!

Psalm 37:7-9
be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Praying this post finds you all well, and hopefully encouraged!!! God is so faithful, and in his timing, his perfect timing, he will reveal his plans to you!!!!!

Love always!!

Ellie

♥ Disney Princess Half Marathon ♥

Holy Cow! There is so much to talk about!!!! Over the last couple months this blog has focused so much on the medical side of its name, “Remicade”, but today we are going to talk about the “Running” aspect of why I started the blog!!!!

Running is something that I fell in love with the summer before going to college. I owe the addiction to my dear friend Rachel.  Rachel pushed me to start, and encouraged me in those early weeks when I didn’t think I could run the block let alone a mile.  I never thought of myself as a Runner per say, but I looked at Rachel, a mother of three children, a wife and a house to run and thought, “well if she can do it, I would love to try”! So I did.  By the end of the summer I was hooked. The best thing about running is that you don’t need any special equipment all you need is a good pair of shoes and off you go! It is also one of those things that leave you NO excuse to not work out.  You can always run; rain or shine, snow or sleet, it is always do-able!!

Running has been a huge stress reliever for me.  It allows me to clear my head, and spend time talking with the Lord.  I love that time.  This weekend was the first big race I have run since February 2009.  It has been two years, almost to the date, that my body and ulcerative colitis went into a downward spiral. So this race was special.  It was special for so many reasons.  One, because as I started running I thought back 2 years, all the feelings and fears came to mind. I thought of a year and half ago listening to Doctor Finke tell me that if I kept running like I was, while my body hurting so badly that I could have a stroke. I remember being so scared when she told me that. Now a year and a half into Remicade treatments I ran my first half on Remicade.  I felt so much joy throughout the whole race. I was so thankful, and thrilled that while Remicade has been so hard on my body. Remicade treatments made this half marathon a reality in my life. Thank you Lord for Remicade J

Number Two reason, because I was able to run this with one of my closest friends Jenny. While I have had a rough two years medically, she has had her share of “life’s valleys” as well.  The day before the race she came into my room and we talked about the last two years, all the things that the Lord had done and seen us through.  I am so amazed looking back and seeing how far we’ve both come.  I couldn’t have imagined running this race with anyone else.  I was so proud of her!!! 

My third reason, well it didn’t really hit home until about 20 minutes before my corral started.  You see I signed up for this race back in September long before Lymphoma ever became something on my radar.  However that is what we were running for.  We ran for Leukemia, and Lymphoma.  I told Jenny the day before, this race meant something special to me and as we sat there waiting to start the race, I saw women around me with shirts that said, “Running for Mary” and it all felt surreal.  I started to get choked up because even though I didn’t have “Running for Mary” on the back of my shirt, the race was no longer about me, it was about Lymphoma.  It was about Mary, and anyone else that has ever been scared, affected, tested, or treated, you name it.  If Lymphoma has ever been on your radar I ran for you.  People asked if it hurt, and I would have to answer with a confident YES.  Of course it hurt, the last 2 miles was not comfortable at all, but I couldn’t focus on it, not for one second.  Jenny and I recited to one another before the race started two of our favorite verses, “For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of LOVE, POWER and SOUND MIND”, and “I can do ALL things, through Christ who strengthens me”.  Every time I wanted to stop, or focus on my pain I said those verses back in my head.  There is no way I could have gotten through Sundays race without the Lord running every step of it with me.  Two months ago I wasn’t sure I was going be able to run this race at all, let alone finish it.  So getting through this race I most definitely consider a huge achievement.

The fan support was amazing.  There were so many runners and so many people there to cheer us on.  Jenny and I had “special spectators” in the crowd, our “Prince Charmings” were there to cheer for us and lift us up, a friend of mine named Byrd was there, and a wonderful surprise, the Beckett/Thom clan joined the crowds to show their support!!!  If you know anyone running a race, go out and support them because let me tell you, it meant the world to see our friends along the way.  Mrs. Beckett has a super loud horn and they were cheering so loud.  We saw them around mile eight and it truly gave us the biggest boost ever!!

So where are we today!  Well… I am feeling pretty good. VERY SORE!! Shocker I am sure, hahah J and I am very tired.  No complaints though J  We are headed into week five which is usually a pretty rough week for me, so I am praying that we make it to next Fridays treatment without any glitches!  Thank you all for the social networking support!  I am so thankful for your prayers, and your encouragement!! I am going to take it easy the next couple days in hopes that my body recovers quickly. I have been experiencing the “runners high” for about 48 hours now, and it feels so good!!  I am so excited to do another race hopefully sooner rather than later!!  Have an awesome week J

Ps. I will have pictures to follow, I accidently left my camera in Florida, so they shipped it up here, and I am hoping to have it by tomorrow! So I will have them up for you ASAP!!!!