Weekend Blessings!!

Friday was another treatment day, and I wish I could say a year and a half into treatments we made it through with flying colors, however, that is just not the case.  This last Friday we had to take the earliest treatment spot which meant we had to leave the house at 5:30 a.m.  Mornings have never been my thing.  Not on normal days and DEFINITLY not on treatment days.  But thanks to Dante we made it to treatment on time in hopes of getting out of the hospital ASAP.   God, however, had a little bit of a different plan.  We got to UVA at 7 and treatment ended up taking 6+ hours (the infusion part of the treatment, I am not including the pre and post stuff).  It was weird because I fell asleep, and woke up about 3 hours into it, and was like umm…. The bag still looks pretty full so I asked the nurse to take a look at it and she had set the iv to run a whole lot slower than it should have been, so by the time we got it figured out it took a few more hours to get the rest of the medicine pumping through my body.  The other down side to doing it that way was by the time she got it at the speed it should have been at the medicine went in a ton faster, and it was like immediately I felt sick. A tidal wave of nausea and headaches took over. So after a long treatment Dante and I got in the car, and drove to South Carolina, we both prayed numerous times throughout the trip for relief from pain, and also for no nausea.

I slept most of the drive, and thankfully Dante managed to get us there safely!!

We were both in a wedding on Saturday in South Carolina, and I have to tell you that I was very nervous about how my body was going to do.  I am happy to say that I made it through the day without throwing up, passing out, all while managing my headaches. TOTALLY A MIRICLE!! God blessed me with amazing people while I was there, people who cared, and were checking on me the whole time. It was a huge blessing and I am so thankful to all who prayed because it has been no secret that I was worried about how I would do after treatment and I truly couldn’t have asked my body to do any better than it did. I think I am learning now more than ever that when you are hurting, and in pain, you have to seriously pray for the Lord to take your mind out of it.  It is when I have time to sit and think about what is hurting or bothering me, that it seems the worst.  Let me tell you though, from the moment we got to South Carolina I was blessed with people to talk to me, and help keep my mind off of how I was feeling.

I truly love meeting new people. When we got to the hotel I had the privilege for meeting some pretty awesome people.  I got to meet one the groomsman’s wives, and also stay in a room with the Grooms sister. WHAT A BLESSING that all was.  It was totally a God thing because it gave Dante the opportunity to have some quality guy time, and it left me to do what I do best… Talk Talk Talk!!!! HAHAHA 

Katie, Gabrielle and I went up to our room, and we spent the night talking. It is so amazing to me to think about how God knew that I would need those girls right in that moment, one to take my mind off “treatment day” and two to share and encourage one another in our relationship with the Lord.

We sat there, and each shared our hearts, our hurts, and what God is teaching us through each different stage that we are in. It is so cool to see the different trends/issues that we all struggle with and deal with, all while dealing with different circumstances.

One topic specifically was brought up, one that has been heavy on my heart lately, the topic of being content.  I have felt bad even saying that, because I go back and forth in my mind.  Satan has been on the attack.  I know that the Lord has me right where he wants me, and his timing has proven perfect across the board.  However, I would be lying if I said I didn’t struggle, and while I wouldn’t wish this struggle on anyone, it was so encouraging to hear that these girls, who I had spent such a short amount of time with, fell comfortable enough to tell me about areas in their lives where they were having a hard time being content as well. The interesting thing (this will probably come as no shock to anyone) is that as we looked at one another, there were things in each girl that the other wished that they had, or circumstances that each of us wished we could find ourselves. We talked about places in life we wanted to be.  Places in life that if you had asked us 10 years, or even as early as a year ago, we thought we would be at and shockingly enough we are at places that we weren’t expecting to be at. The Lord had us walking different paths, and yet we have all at one point or another had feelings of discontent.

It is so cool to see Christ vividly bringing things full circle.

A couple weeks ago in bible study Priscilla Shier did an illustration of a women standing with a glass in her hand. The glass was full, and Priscilla walked up to her and started shaking her arm. She then brought it back, saying, “You see when you are being shaken. Physically, emotionally, spiritually whatever it is, but when you are shaken what’s inside of you is going to come out, whether you want it to or not.” All that pain, anger, frustration, envy, jealously, the list goes on.  When she made the illustration I was immediately convicted, and I started to play through situations where I had felt like my world was being tested, or shaken. I thought of what my original response had been in these situations. Not the response that I had rationalized in my head a few minutes or hours after the original blow, but the initial one, the one that you very rarely tell people, and usually is thought and felt, and then you talk yourself into being ok.  You glamorize your response, when in all reality, you still had the feelings, and you haven’t dealt with them at all you just gave yourself time to think of an excuse for the feelings. Why? For what? Ultimately the one who matters most knows you thought it, felt it, and you just aren’t saying it.

Ulcerative Colitis shakes you, having a rough day with this disease leaves me worn out, and on my worst days, those filthy thoughts, come out, and Satan gets his foot in the door and I start to ask why? Why has it taken me 7 years to finish my degree, Why am I the last of all my college roommates to get married? I question God, and I find myself so blinded by my discontent that I can barely see straight. Not for long but none the less I have to tell you I have been there recently.  So you need to know that getting to spend the evening with girls who knew the feelings that I was having was a gift from God.  I needed to know that I was not the only one, and I also wanted them to know that they weren’t in this alone.  We all have moments, “The Grass is ALWAYS GREENER moments”.  I found this verse when I was begging for my spiritual slap in the pants ;)

Proverbs 27:1, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”

It reminds me to put it back into perspective. God pours out his love on me and I need the Lord to give me a spiritual slap on the hand.  I need to remember that He is doing a GREAT work, and he does have a perfect plan.  I know that if I had finished undergrad on time I would have never gotten this job, and more importantly I would have never met my love!  Dante and I’s relationship has been strengthened through this school stuff.  Dante has shown me what true selflessness is through the bear of helping me complete my degree, all while supporting me and loving me through ulcerative colitis. God has it figured out, he knows what I need when I need it, and I trust him with all of it. I just need a little wakeup call from time to time.  So here is a punch I am going to throw the devils way!

Psalm 37:7-9
be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Praying this post finds you all well, and hopefully encouraged!!! God is so faithful, and in his timing, his perfect timing, he will reveal his plans to you!!!!!

Love always!!

Ellie