Updates

As my little sister’s “editor in chief”, or more appropriately “Senior Sneak Previewer”, I felt it was necessary to update her prayer warriors and thank each of you for your continued prayers, Facebook wall posts, and encouragement.

Ellie met with her doctors on Thursday.  The appointment with the specialist went well.  The nodes were not alarmingly large but she does show a lot of other symptoms.  So they scheduled the biopsy for the following morning.  They went from that appointment to meet with Dr. Finke who was pleased with the outcome of the earlier appointment.  Friday morning was her biopsy and the procedure went well.  She is extremely sore, as to be expected and slightly disappointed because the incision is a bit bigger than initially described.  Unfortunately the medical staff in Lynchburg is not as experienced using her port so they had to find a vein and insert an IV through her arm, which has caused concern because there is a chance that where that IV was could now be infected.  All in all she is doing well.  Fighting through it and waiting until Monday or probably Tuesday when we will receive the results of the biopsy.  Whatever the outcome she is praying that God gives her strength to handle it all and glorify Him through it.   

I’d like to close this post by acknowledging the strength that my sister has displayed.  If you know my sister, you know that she is a kind, honest, people pleaser who wants nothing more than to love others the way that Christ loves.  While Ellie is a worrier by nature she does not want others spending time worrying about her.  She does her best to convince you that everything is fine and will quickly ask about you and your day to distract from anything and everything going on with her.  1) because she genuinely cares about you and 2) because she is of the mindset that while she knows she has trials and struggles she knows that there is someone else out there that is worse off than she is.  So she thanks God for where she’s at and what she’s learning at that moment in time.  (I think that she openly has admitted that in a previous blog.)    It isn’t until you hear the tone in her voice that you realize that something is wrong and even then she will chalk it up to just being tired.  You see, she doesn’t want to spend time worrying, she wants to spend time connecting, learning, listening only to love you better.

Ellie is a lover of people.  She loves to talk.  She loves to listen.  She loves to laugh and loves to encourage.  I’m sure you already know all of this but the reason for my reiteration of these points is to publically express how proud and honored I am to call her my sister.  This blog has allowed her to be open, to be totally raw and real with her readers and in turn it has shown how she trusts with 100% of her heart that her Lord and Savior has it all in His hands.  I can honestly say that because of my sister, my relationship and love for my God has grown.  I don’t know about you, but every time I am privileged to read my sisters heart I am challenged to be a better Christian.  Thank you for loving my sister, for loyally reading her heart and for praying for her healing and strength. 

I know that through all of this God has a plan.  I hope that you are as blessed by my sister and by her strength as I am. 

In Christ Alone

Ellie’s Older Sister Megan

Here is the update! Prayer is always welcomed!

I haven’t blogged in over a week now, not because I have forgotten about my blog, but because I can’t figure out what to say or how to say it.  I told you all about my doctor’s appointments over a week ago and how they put me on an antibiotic.  Last week I went for a follow up and the antibiotic didn’t do a thing and interestingly enough the lymph node in my groin was larger than the previous week.

It is not uncommon for people to get infections and have their lymph nodes go hay wire, but for the extent that mine have gotten it is not normal. I sat there talking to my doctor and he started to go over what the next days and weeks were going to hold.  You see while swollen lymph nodes can be something normal people deal with, mine send up a red flag.  Remicade has been known to cause Lymphoma, I knew this going into treatments, but it is NEVER a fun conversation to have with your doctor.

Lymphoma in Remicade patients is rare, but none the less when dealing with the lymph nodes that have been swollen for a few months now; we have to take more precautions than I care to deal with. Whether I want to deal with it or not, I have to.  So last week when my doctor told me that we need to get the testing for all this underway you can image why I was a bit scared and overwhelmed.  I always wonder what is going through a doctor’s mind when they tell someone that they are testing for cancer or that they are looking for something in particular; or when they have to be the bearer of bad news. I have to believe that it is tough on them, I have to believe that when a doctor is staring me in the face, watching the tears well up in my eyes,  that he feels sad right along with me.  Thank God doctors are trained in these areas because sometimes their lack of emotion helps me keep it all into perspective which in turn helps me keep it together.  Sweet doctor Lane has been my primary care physician for going on 7 years, and so in true Doc. Lane fashion he gave me a big hug and told me we are going to figure it out!! I am so lucky to have such awesome doctors across the board!

I saw Doctor Lane last Thursday, and right after that appointment he sent me to the hospital to get some labs done.  Since people in Lynchburg are uncomfortable using my port, we had to try and find a vein.  OH what a task that is… after 3 tries and two nurses they found a stubborn little vein and we managed to get some blood.  I woke up Friday and headed over to a head and neck surgeon.  Originally I had an appointment for Monday, with a different doctor and after Doctor Lane told Doctor Kitchell about my situation she came in on Friday (a day that she doesn’t usually see patients).  She took a look at the lymph nodes in my neck, and did a consult.  She was super sweet and she graduated from Duke.  Dante was thrilled, his favorite doctor yet!  Haha I told her I was a Carolina fan, and she almost stopped the consult mid visit. HAHA!!!  I am just kidding, but it sure lightened the mood, and she really was great! While we were there she asked to see the lymph node in my groin, and so I showed her. Interestingly enough her husband is a surgeon for the lower half of the body.  Ironic or God???  Totally a God thing!!! So she said, “you know what, I feel like because the node in the groin is bigger, I want my husband to take a look”.  First thought… WOW what is it like to be a surgeon while being married to a surgeon.. lol I will keep thinking about it cause I am just an financial aid rep.  HAHA!!!

Anyways, she left the room and called her husband, he said he wanted to see me asap, and asked when a good time this week was, Thursday was the day I chose, because not only am I going see him, but Doctor Finke moved up my appointment to tomorrow (Thursday) so I would be able to see both doctors, talk and get the opinions of both. HUGE PRAISE!

So where are we today. Well my mom is flying in tonight to be with me over the next couple of days. They have already said that there is a good chance they are going to biopsy and then also do some scans, so we will see how that all goes. I really just want it to be over and done with. Tomorrow my mom turns 50. MOM I am sorry for putting that on blast, but it is a huge day, a special day, and I am so lucky to spend it with you!!!! I just wish it wasn’t going to be in and out of doctors offices all day L but we will rock it out!  We have done it before and this time will be no different. I am so thankful I have such an amazing supportive family.  When all this went down last Thursday I got a phone call at about 8 oclock that night, and my mom said, “Ellie dad wants me to come out there, and I am looking at tickets now, do you think I should come??”. First thought, “ Do I want you to come down??? OF COURSE I want you to come down, and if this is what it takes to get to spend a week with you, bring it on “. I LOVE when my parents are here with me!!! I am lucky to have such a support system that have the capability to drop anything and come be with me.  

I have gotten so many messages, texts, phone calls from people telling me that they are praying. It means the world to know that people are praying on my behalf. Because honestly… I have been unsure what to pray this last week. This could be nothing. My lymph nodes may be just reacting to my weak immune system.  It may be lymphoma, and so as I sit here and type I am at a loss. I haven’t known what to say or what not to say, because I know that if the Lord thinks I can do “this”, by “this” I mean “cancer”,  I am going to do it, and as I said in my previous posts, I pray that God uses me for a greater purpose. I don’t want to be average, I don’t want to be used to do average things, I want to be great! I want to do amazing things for the kingdom. So whatever this is, whatever comes of the next couple weeks I am going to praise the Lord because I know that he will put me right where he wants me.  Like I said I am so thankful for the prayers, texts, notes, and messages. They help me keep it in perspective and remind me that when I don’t know what to pray that it’s ok, because I have so many others who are keeping me in their prayers.  

Dante has been so good about putting my mind at ease, he reminds me to just take one day at a time, and one appointment at time. That is all we can do at this point. So today we wait. I wait for my awesome mom to get her butt here so we can have an awesome night, and then I will get up tomorrow morning and head to work like I normally would, and then I will meet a new doctor. I will get yet another opportunity to share my story, my life, and my situation with someone else. So pray. Pray that I sleep, and that tomorrow goes as smoothly as possible. Pray that I am calm, and that I clearly explain what is going on, and also that I understand everything that the doctor has to say. Pray that whatever comes of all of this, good, bad or indifferent that I clearly see the Lord’s hand molding this situation into something beautiful. It is hard to see beauty in this right now, but God is still Good, just like my last post says, he is good and he is ALWAYS good. I know whatever this is, is going to be used for his good. So I am ready, well as ready as anyone can be going through this J Thank you for allowing me to share what has been on my mind and heart lately.  I hope you all have an amazing week, and I will update you when I have some more information, and results.

God Bless,

Ellie

“You Are Good”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIbzRYPmITE

There is a song that I’ve had replaying on my Ipod and through my head. It is by Kari Jobe, “You are Good”.  It has been such an encouragement to me and I attached it at the top so that you all can listen to it. Just click the link at the top and it will take you so the song.  Here are the words, in case you can’t get the song to play.

Your kindness leads me to repentance

Your goodness draws me to Your side

Your mercy calls me to be like You

Your favor is my delight

Every day I'll awaken my praise

And pour out a song from my heart

You are good, You are good

You are good, and Your mercy is forever

You are good, You are good

You are good, and Your mercy is forever

Your kindness is forever, Your goodness is forever

Your mercy is forever, Forever

Last week was tough. As I said in my last post I haven’t had an appetite since my last treatment, which was over 3 weeks ago.  If I do get hungry I eat a little and then get nauseous, which is so frustrating because I like food, and over Christmas, and New Years there was a lot of yummy food to eat and I could barely partake.  It is frustrating and sad because I so badly don’t want this to affect me. I so badly don’t want to be “the sick girl”, “a dud”, “Debbie downer”, these are all names I use to define the BLAH attitude I have sometimes. That person is not me, or at least I haven’t ever wanted it to be.

Last weekend my Grandma called to check in, and in true grandma fashion she knew something was up. We talked about the good stuff going on, and then she hit me with the big questions, “Ok Ellie, what’s going on?  How are you really feeling?” There are few people in the world that can pick up on the fact that I am struggling, people closest to me need about 5 seconds to hear my voice and they know something is up. So she gave me a few minutes to talk about the day to day. It is like when you parents give you the opportunity to tell you about what happened at school; the reason for the bad report before they go to the teacher and find out what is really up (Haha).   Well she gave me about 10 minutes of that, and then she asked me. The flood gates opened and I had a meltdown. I get so frustrated for so many reasons, one because I feel sick and two because I can’t hide it. It is apparent that I don’t feel good at times and I hate that. I hate it so much. I emailed the doctor and I haven’t heard back from her, and so in the middle of last week I went to see my primary care doctor. I have been running a fever for a about 5 days and the doctor found some swollen lymph nodes in my neck and groin. As for right now, they are unsure of where the infection is, but there is an infection somewhere, and I am on antibiotics. I still don’t have an appetite.  I have a fever and feel just plain BLAH.  I cry, I cry a lot, probably more than I would really like to own up to but I do and in spite of this all God is still God.  He is still good. My grandma said, “Ellie, you are allowed to be upset, you are allowed to cry”.  She is right, and I have been doing a lot of that.

So after I got off the phone with her, Dante and I had Pandora going in the car and Kari Jobes song came on. Leave it to the Lord to be RIGHT ON TIME.  No question about it, I know that right at that moment God gave me that song to remind me that as bad as this sucks, He is still Good. SOOOOO GOOD.  He is so much better than I deserve. He has met every need; He has put people like Dante in my life to hug me. When I can’t physically feel Gods arms around me, and when I need someone wiping the tears from my eyes. He has given me someone to do that. I truly believe that God whispers into Dantes ear at just the right time, telling him to hug me, and wipe the tears away. Dante hugs me for all my family that is far away. WHY??? Because GOD IS GOOD…. When this is too big for me, and when I can’t do it anymore. He puts people, or songs, in my path to remind me that this is all being used for something so much bigger than my mind can comprehend.  That is what gets me through. God has a perfect plan, and songs like Kari Jobes are blessings from Him. They give me the boost that I need to get through today.

The fact of the matter is while I have this to deal with, many people have so many other things, some bigger than mine, some smaller than mine, but we all have things/stuff.  This is why I wanted to share this song with you. It has been so encouraging to me, and if you are encouraged than that makes my heart happy. Just like the song says, God is Good FOREVER. Not just today, or maybe tomorrow, or when you are on the spiritual up and up. He is still good in the valleys, on the worst days, and I am thankful, SO Very Thankful.

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Have an awesome week!!

Ellie

Some Fun Pictures that I thought I would Share with you :)

So I figured it out!! I can now add pictures to my blog posts! This is the DEATH KITTY!! The self defense mechanism that Dante's aunt got me.. just incase Dante ever gets out of line!! HAHA.. JUST KIDDING!! The purpose is to attach it to your key ring, and then put it on your fingers while you are walking through parking lots alone :) My mom asked if I am going to use it while running. Haha Probably not the safest thing for me to carry..  my luck would be that I trip and fall and take my eyes out!!



 Dante and I, in Reston, over New Years Weekend!!!

  HAHA!!! Sweet Little Peyton :) She is thrilled that I am having a photo shoot :)
 My sweet nephew Mason!!! He is 4 Months NOW :-) Cutest little man out there :)

So now that I know how to post pictures I will keep them coming :) Hope you are all doing well!!!! God Bless and keep an eye out because I am working on my next blog post! I will start adding more pics to the blogs from here on out :)