“You Are Good”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIbzRYPmITE

There is a song that I’ve had replaying on my Ipod and through my head. It is by Kari Jobe, “You are Good”.  It has been such an encouragement to me and I attached it at the top so that you all can listen to it. Just click the link at the top and it will take you so the song.  Here are the words, in case you can’t get the song to play.

Your kindness leads me to repentance

Your goodness draws me to Your side

Your mercy calls me to be like You

Your favor is my delight

Every day I'll awaken my praise

And pour out a song from my heart

You are good, You are good

You are good, and Your mercy is forever

You are good, You are good

You are good, and Your mercy is forever

Your kindness is forever, Your goodness is forever

Your mercy is forever, Forever

Last week was tough. As I said in my last post I haven’t had an appetite since my last treatment, which was over 3 weeks ago.  If I do get hungry I eat a little and then get nauseous, which is so frustrating because I like food, and over Christmas, and New Years there was a lot of yummy food to eat and I could barely partake.  It is frustrating and sad because I so badly don’t want this to affect me. I so badly don’t want to be “the sick girl”, “a dud”, “Debbie downer”, these are all names I use to define the BLAH attitude I have sometimes. That person is not me, or at least I haven’t ever wanted it to be.

Last weekend my Grandma called to check in, and in true grandma fashion she knew something was up. We talked about the good stuff going on, and then she hit me with the big questions, “Ok Ellie, what’s going on?  How are you really feeling?” There are few people in the world that can pick up on the fact that I am struggling, people closest to me need about 5 seconds to hear my voice and they know something is up. So she gave me a few minutes to talk about the day to day. It is like when you parents give you the opportunity to tell you about what happened at school; the reason for the bad report before they go to the teacher and find out what is really up (Haha).   Well she gave me about 10 minutes of that, and then she asked me. The flood gates opened and I had a meltdown. I get so frustrated for so many reasons, one because I feel sick and two because I can’t hide it. It is apparent that I don’t feel good at times and I hate that. I hate it so much. I emailed the doctor and I haven’t heard back from her, and so in the middle of last week I went to see my primary care doctor. I have been running a fever for a about 5 days and the doctor found some swollen lymph nodes in my neck and groin. As for right now, they are unsure of where the infection is, but there is an infection somewhere, and I am on antibiotics. I still don’t have an appetite.  I have a fever and feel just plain BLAH.  I cry, I cry a lot, probably more than I would really like to own up to but I do and in spite of this all God is still God.  He is still good. My grandma said, “Ellie, you are allowed to be upset, you are allowed to cry”.  She is right, and I have been doing a lot of that.

So after I got off the phone with her, Dante and I had Pandora going in the car and Kari Jobes song came on. Leave it to the Lord to be RIGHT ON TIME.  No question about it, I know that right at that moment God gave me that song to remind me that as bad as this sucks, He is still Good. SOOOOO GOOD.  He is so much better than I deserve. He has met every need; He has put people like Dante in my life to hug me. When I can’t physically feel Gods arms around me, and when I need someone wiping the tears from my eyes. He has given me someone to do that. I truly believe that God whispers into Dantes ear at just the right time, telling him to hug me, and wipe the tears away. Dante hugs me for all my family that is far away. WHY??? Because GOD IS GOOD…. When this is too big for me, and when I can’t do it anymore. He puts people, or songs, in my path to remind me that this is all being used for something so much bigger than my mind can comprehend.  That is what gets me through. God has a perfect plan, and songs like Kari Jobes are blessings from Him. They give me the boost that I need to get through today.

The fact of the matter is while I have this to deal with, many people have so many other things, some bigger than mine, some smaller than mine, but we all have things/stuff.  This is why I wanted to share this song with you. It has been so encouraging to me, and if you are encouraged than that makes my heart happy. Just like the song says, God is Good FOREVER. Not just today, or maybe tomorrow, or when you are on the spiritual up and up. He is still good in the valleys, on the worst days, and I am thankful, SO Very Thankful.

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Have an awesome week!!

Ellie